i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
