Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
