when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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