dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
