Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
