He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
