Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
