dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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