He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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