After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
