It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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