someone threw a dead crab at me
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
