hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
they need to just BURY HIM!
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
