I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
