he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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