i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
it glows. i had to have it.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Sorry about my life...
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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