currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
