Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
