just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I supernannyed him into submission
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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