whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
