I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
