Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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