i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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