Please, let me fuck your mom
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
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