My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
