I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
