I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
