Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize