First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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