i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
He's on the porch naked. Help.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
