i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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