we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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