Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
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