You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Randomize
