He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Are my feet made of real feet?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
