I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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