She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
