so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
