this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
