Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
The uberlube is also flammable
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
