I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
