your room smells of hookers.
And success
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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