Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
