I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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