Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
