Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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