we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I'm too high and old for this...
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
