I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
