saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
