Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
