i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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