3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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