she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
