So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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