She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize