have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize
