you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
