I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
