I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
