before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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