don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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