your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
