Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize