if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
