I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Send help, water and tortillas.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
