I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Randomize
