I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
