Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize