I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
