If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
