Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
