i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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