She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
