You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
