Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
