so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
How naked do you want me to be?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
