I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
