This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Randomize
