I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize