so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
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