The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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