just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
