he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Found your dick twin last night
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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