JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
