The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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