also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
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