i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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